Abstracts
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Distracted Boyfriend: A Study in Attention Economy
Jason Felds, Lina Stare, Eva Wanderey
A taxonomy of stock-photo infidelity tropes and the visual hierarchy of distracted-boyfriend variants.
This is Fine: Managing PhD Burnout
Dr Ash Cinder
A thermodynamic model of remaining seated in a burning room while asserting that everything is fine.
Stealth 101: Hiding from Your Advisor
Wally Waldo, Dale Struggle
Concealment efficacy of corrugated fiberboard against advisor line-of-sight.
Woman Yelling at Cat: Conflict Resolution
Karen Manager, Gene Poole
Vocal escalation dynamics in interspecies dinner-table disputes.
Galaxy Brain: Expanding Your Thesis Scope
Temple Tapp, Mathilde Query
Neuroplastic growth from small-brain to galaxy-brain under prolonged scope creep.
Speed Running Your Defense
Samus Aran, Sid Victory
An Any% Glitchless route through the academic defense category.
Two Buttons: The Daily Struggle
Dale Struggle, Jason Felds
Cognitive collapse induced by binary decisions of comparable consequence.
Change My Mind: Your Hypothesis is Wrong
Steven Crow
Treating the null hypothesis as a load-bearing belief system.
Ancient Aliens: History Channel Logic
Giorgio Salon
Evaluating the hypothesis that pyramid construction was outsourced to extraterrestrial subcontractors.
Success Kid: Celebrating Small Wins
Sid Victory
A sand-grasping protocol for converting micro-wins into forward propulsion.
Pepe Silvia: Conspiracy Mapping
Charlie Kelly
Tracing the missing-citation network back to a Carol who may not exist.
Doge: Such Currency, Much Wow
Dr Much Wow
Crypto-economics through the lens of a Shiba Inu.
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